Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
