i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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