There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am available for nakedness
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
