I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
