Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
