You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
is it fun? or sober?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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