When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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