porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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