Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
