the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
