Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
