i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
