Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
