I must be too annoying 4 u.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
