Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
