I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
