I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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