grandma shit on top of the toilet
I skipped work to stalk him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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