he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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