Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
