Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
