I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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