Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
