census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She bit a glass in half.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
