You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
