Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
