idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
