So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
