hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
