talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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