I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
