dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
