Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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