i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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