I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
