Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
