i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
