He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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