Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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