yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
