great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
