i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
