ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
