i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
