I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
