I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
