ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
