my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
