dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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