thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
