I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
