I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
