I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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