oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
