dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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