if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
