new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
