At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found your dick twin last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
