evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
