Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
