I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
