roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
