Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
