Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
