i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize