# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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