i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
