i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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