last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
