What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
